A man who had a 25 inch long penis went to his doctor to complain that he was having a problem with this rather massive instrument and has had more than one complaint. "Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there anything you can do for me?" The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you." So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.
The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. "Witch, my penis is 25 inches long and I need help. Can anything be done to help me? You are my last hope!" The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I think I may be able to help you. Do this. Go deep into the forest. You will find a pond. In this pond, you will find a frog sitting on a log. This frog has magic. You say to frog, will you marry me? When the frog says no, you will find five inches less to your problem."
The man's face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He called out to the frog, "Will you marry me?" The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied, "NO." The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 5 inches shorter. "WOW," he screamed out loud, "This is great!!" But at 20 inches it was still too long, so he asked the frog again. "Frog, will you marry me?" the guy shouted. The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, "NO!" The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it was another 5 inches shorter. The man laughed, "This is fantastic." He looked down at his penis again, 15 inches long, and reflected for a moment Fifteen inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal.
Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, "Frog will you marry me?" The frog looked back across pond shaking its head,
"How many times do I have to tell you? NO, NO, NO!!"
JOKE #277: TWO ZEBRAS TALKING
Two zebras are talking in the savanna And zebra one says to zebra two, "Do you think I am black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?"
The second zebra says, "I don't know, why don't you go up to heaven and ask God?"
So the first zebra goes up and says, "God, am I black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?"
God said, "You are what you are."
The first zebra goes back down to zebra two and zebra two says, "Well, what did God say?"
Zebra one says, "God told me, 'you are what you are'."
Zebra two says, "Well then you must be white with black stripes, because if you were black with white stripes, God would have said, 'you is what you is'."
The second zebra says, "I don't know, why don't you go up to heaven and ask God?"
So the first zebra goes up and says, "God, am I black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?"
God said, "You are what you are."
The first zebra goes back down to zebra two and zebra two says, "Well, what did God say?"
Zebra one says, "God told me, 'you are what you are'."
Zebra two says, "Well then you must be white with black stripes, because if you were black with white stripes, God would have said, 'you is what you is'."
JOKE #276: EGOS BIGGER THAN AMBITION
Two sons want to take over their dad's business. One's studied marketing and the other accounting, so they think they're ready to finally take the torch.
They ask their father about it and he says, "You guys don't know nothing from business, both of you've got egos bigger than your business ambition and you're just not ready yet."
"Egos bigger than our ambitions? What does that even mean, Dad?"
"I'll show you." So he takes his sons to a brothel and before they go in he says, "Now this is a very particular gentleman's club; they charge by the inch of your pecker, $10 an inch."
The three are greeted inside by an array of very seductive ladies, which they select and follow into three rooms. When they come out, the father asks how much they paid.
"$60," says the one son.
"Hah, what did I tell you," scoffs the father.
"Well I paid $65," says the second.
"Pfft, even worse, this one," says the father.
"Well how much did you pay, Dad?"
"$10!" he boasts.
"But Dad, I mean... we've seen you in the shower and stuff and you're more or less like us."
"What did I tell you, egos bigger than your business ambition — I bet the both of you measured beforehand."
They ask their father about it and he says, "You guys don't know nothing from business, both of you've got egos bigger than your business ambition and you're just not ready yet."
"Egos bigger than our ambitions? What does that even mean, Dad?"
"I'll show you." So he takes his sons to a brothel and before they go in he says, "Now this is a very particular gentleman's club; they charge by the inch of your pecker, $10 an inch."
The three are greeted inside by an array of very seductive ladies, which they select and follow into three rooms. When they come out, the father asks how much they paid.
"$60," says the one son.
"Hah, what did I tell you," scoffs the father.
"Well I paid $65," says the second.
"Pfft, even worse, this one," says the father.
"Well how much did you pay, Dad?"
"$10!" he boasts.
"But Dad, I mean... we've seen you in the shower and stuff and you're more or less like us."
"What did I tell you, egos bigger than your business ambition — I bet the both of you measured beforehand."
JOKE #275: WHO SHOULD BE IN CHARGE
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss
The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work, The asshole is usually in charge
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss
The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work, The asshole is usually in charge
JOKE #274: 3 DRUNKS
3 drunk guys got into a taxi...
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine and after a few seconds, simply turned it off again.
Taxi driver: We have reached your destination!
The first guy gave him some money and the second guy thanked him as they clambered out of the car. The third guy slapped the taxi driver across the face. The taxi driver was shocked, thinking the third guy was drunk.
Taxi driver: What was that for??
Third guy: Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!!!
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine and after a few seconds, simply turned it off again.
Taxi driver: We have reached your destination!
The first guy gave him some money and the second guy thanked him as they clambered out of the car. The third guy slapped the taxi driver across the face. The taxi driver was shocked, thinking the third guy was drunk.
Taxi driver: What was that for??
Third guy: Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)